Saint Pio of Pietrelcina: My Experience

The most beautiful act of faith is the one made in darkness, in sacrifice, and with extreme effort. ~Padre Pio

In this post, I am not going to describe too much about this saint. If you want to, you can read more about him here, here or here. I might do a post about him more in the future, right now I would like to write about some of my experiences, and what kind of healing I've received because of Padre Pio's intercession. 

127 years ago on this day, May 25, Padre Pio was born. He grew up to be a Capuchin friar, who suffered much in his life. God has brought about many miracles big and small through him, both in his own life on earth and now in Heaven. He was a mystic and stigmatist, among other things, but that's not what I find most fascinating about him. I love the simple life he lived, in trust and humility, and the advice and direction he gave to many.
I'm not sure how I found out about or came to like Padre Pio, it kind of just happened. I think when I first heard about him, I wasn't so interested, but then seeing the great quotes I would come across, made me start to like him more and more.
There have been some miracles in my life too, because of him. Of course, not just because of him, it's all because of God, but as a Catholic, we believe in the intercession of the saints, and they are there to help us too. God has allowed them to pray for us, and be another example pointing us to Jesus by their lives lived close to Him.
As a convert, making my first confession was troubling for me. I wasn't sure if I would say everything that needed to be said. For many months the first year I was Catholic, it bothered me a lot. When September came, I prayed and decided to ask Padre Pio to pray for me. Suddenly, on the night of Padre Pio's feast day, I woke up during the middle of the night, renewed with more courage, confidence, strength, and an idea of what to say, to make an even better confession. I wrote it all down, and went back to sleep. When I woke up in the morning, my main focus was on getting to church, nothing was going to stop me. Before leaving, I read a verse, "Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that you may do the will of God and receive what is promised. -Hebrews 10:35-36" I was amazed.
The next summer, after many months of not going to Mass, and being unsure about the situation, I suddenly came across a Padre Pio novena booklet online and decided to get it. I wanted to pray for spiritual healing and direction most of all, and also my health. On August 8 2012 I began the novena. On the first day in the novena it said: "It is to your advantage to commit yourself to the sufferings that Jesus will send you. Jesus cannot tolerate seeing you afflicted and he will come to you and comfort you, blessing you with many graces for your soul." Two days later, I began to get one of the worst attacks of severe pain yet at the time, which wasn't going away after a day... or two days... or three... nearly five days I was in severe pain, abdominal pain, and back pain. (The pain started because of my gallbladder, but no one knew that, and thought it was an ovarian cyst that I had. The pain did eventually go away, but I did not get my gallbladder removed until almost a year later, anyways... on to the rest of this story) Meanwhile, I continued to pray the novena, despite the amount of pain I was in and I was hardly able to even eat or sleep and no pain medicines were helping. I had a small growing feeling, that all this had to be happening, because I started the novena. The night before I went to another emergency doctor appointment, I read this in the novena, day six: "We beg you to pray for us, so that sick patients, through the intercession of Mary, can be healed and their bodies restored so that they may benefit from the Holy Spirit and therefore, thank and praise God forever." Although the pain had gone down some by now, as I sat in a wheelchair in a room to see the doctor, he said he wanted to get me into surgery right away for the ovarian cyst. I started crying, and didn't know what to do. Surgery had always been one of my biggest fears and I wanted to avoid it always if possible. With little time to sit there and think, I decided to say yes, and go with it. I thought maybe everything would be okay, and this was happening for a reason. Maybe this was a time for me to receive some healing, and not die just yet. I was oddly more at peace than I thought I would be going into surgery. When I came out, I was fine. I had no pain at all, not even from the surgery. Amazing! I felt like I would be thanking and praising God forever. (The cyst turned out to be huge, and it was bad what they saw, but it wasn't cancerous.)
As I was recovering at home, I was thinking, well, wow God, you gave me some physical healing, when what I really wanted was spiritual help, I know somehow you will send that to me too, but when? how? (Of course, through the physical, comes spiritual too, everything in our lives is connected) Around a week later, because of help from a friend, I was able to talk to a Priest. He was very helpful too, and it was also amazing that he was from a church called Sacred Heart, when in the novena, there was also a prayer to the Sacred Heart of Jesus to be said.

The Almighty has done great things for me, and holy is his Name.

A while later, I found out something more surprising. On August 10, 1910, at the age of 23, Padre Pio was ordained a priest. On August 10, 2012, at the age of 23, on the second day of the novena, I began to get the severe pain. On August 14, 1910, Padre Pio said his first Mass. On August 14, 2012, I had surgery and came out pain free.

Our present life is given only to gain the eternal one and if we don’t think about it, we build our affections on what belongs to this world, where our life is transitory. When we have to leave it we are afraid and become agitated. Believe me, to live happily in this pilgrimage, we have to aim at the hope of arriving at our Homeland, where we will stay eternally. Meanwhile we have to believe firmly that God calls us to Himself and follows us along the path towards Him. He will never permit anything to happen to us that is not for our greater good. He knows who we are and He will hold out His paternal hand to us during difficulties, so that nothing prevents us from running to Him swiftly. But to enjoy this grace we must have complete trust in Him.  ~St. Pio of Pietrelcina

Pray, hope, and don't worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer. ~St. Pio of Pietrelcina

Thoughts from Divine Mercy in my Soul Diary

May 20, 1937.  When for a whole month I had been enjoying good health, it occurred to me that I did not know which was more pleasing to the Lord – my serving Him in illness or in the robust health for which I had asked Him – and I said to the Lord, “Jesus, do with me as You please,” and Jesus returned me to my previous condition. 1125

Sick? Chronically Ill? Disabled? Homebound?
Just like St. Faustina, you too are pleasing to the Lord. You can serve him, wherever you are. We have a purpose for living and are worthwhile.

April 17 1937 ...If a soul loves God sincerely and is intimately united with Him, then, even though such a soul may be living in the midst of difficult external circumstances, nothing can disturb its interior life; and in the midst of corruption, it can remain pure and unsullied; because the great love of God gives it strength for battle, and God also protects in a special way. 1094  

Hang in there. We have much to be thankful for. Keep your eyes fixed on God.

But my eyes are toward thee, O Lord God; in thee I seek refuge; -Psalm 141:8
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever. -Psalm 73:26

Jesus, I trust in you.

Prayer of Intent

I was reading some more of this great book, Saints to Lean on: Spiritual Companions for Illness and Disability by Janice McGrane S.S.J. and just had to share some of what I read. I suggest you get a copy of this book for yourself, if you haven't already.

Prayer of intent That's the kind of prayer that seems to come most naturally for me. An inclination to offer up everything, small and big, to be one unending prayer. I often fail to bring this to mind though or I wonder if anything really does have any meaning - does this "offering up" really work? But still it is my intention, the intention of my heart seeking God and my desire to love. I think it is amazing to know that prayer does not have to be said, or expressed exactly, doesn't have to be mental or verbal to mean anything, it can be expressed through actions, through love. Of course too, God knows everything! He can understand what we are trying to say, without the need for words or it all being dependent on our ability to focus. It's not about our "power" either, it's about His power, for we aren't the ones who make things happen, God does. Often times you or I might fail at being able to pray, because of pain, sickness, mental strain, distress, fatigue... but all of it can be "offered up" and can always be a prayer. Of course, when we are able it is good to get in time for other kinds of prayer, but always remember that your very life can be a prayer. And I believe if we have a life of this prayer of intent, any other times we pray, no matter how long or short, will be a very deep, meaningful and grace-filled time.

Now on to some excerpts from the book. It comes from the chapter Caryll Houselander, Our Companion in Mental Illness. Part of it was written by Janice McGrane, and part of it quoting Caryll Houselander. I've never heard of this Caryll Houselander until I found out about her in this book. Wikipedia says she was a lay Roman Catholic ecclesiastical artist, mystic, popular religious writer and poet. She was born in 1901 and died in 1954 from cancer.

When we pray, we can let the pain of our lives be the very thing to connect us to Jesus. This is not always easy, but it definitely makes the suffering we go through in life have meaning.

In one letter to a young friend who was dealing with an eating disorder, Caryll advised: Let every meal be a prayer, every hour of sleep, every denial of an impulse to overdo things you feel a compulsion to - and believe me, you will at one and the same time cure yourself and cure the sufferings of the world. 

Rather than stressing mental or verbal prayer, both of which require the ability to concentrate for a length of time, Caryll wisely advised her devoted correspondents of the value of the prayer of intent: "You should 'pray without ceasing' - but not verbal prayer, not mental prayer, but the prayer of the body and the prayer of acceptance and immolation. Say only one prayer a day; the morning offering... is ideal.
Then let your prayer to be simply your offering of yourself to do God's will, to rest and relax in him and to offer everything you do as a prayer.

Wise spiritual advice for anyone - to offer once's whole self - every action, struggle, physical or emotional pain, indeed, every single breath to God. Then you are sure that you are in communion with God in every moment of every day. 

Like Thérèse de Lisieux, a saint for whom she had great respect, Caryll Houselander was aware of the tremendous spiritual power inherent in even the most mundane actions of daily life. 

When we are conscious of God's great love for us, then we know that the pains and joys we experience each day are cared about deeply. And Jesus smiles with joy when we give over our sufferings, both the great and the small, to be united with his for "healing the wounds of the world." 

I think the idea to say a morning prayer is a good one, especially on days where you may not be feeling so well, and all you can do is just that. Here is my favorite, which I try to say often.

Good morning dear Jesus, my Savior, 

Good morning dear Mary, my Queen, 

Good morning bright Angels, fair sentinels 

Of Jesus who dwells here unseen, 

Dear Lord, I bring you red roses 

All wet with the dew of your grace. 

Every thought, every word, every action 

And my heart I give for their vase. 

This offering I make through your mother 

Whose heart is so sinlessly white, 

Whiter than wings of the angels 

Who watched and prayed here all night. 

One favor, sweet Jesus, I ask of you, 

Inflame my poor heart with your love 

So while I toil in this valley 

My spirit may dwell far above.

Amen.

One must not think that a person who is suffering is not praying. He is offering up his sufferings to God, and many a time he is praying much more truly than one who goes away by himself and meditates his head off, and, if he has squeezed out a few tears, thinks that is prayer. -St. Teresa of Avila

Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words. -Romans 8:26

Rejoice in your hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. -Romans 12:12

Grace be with all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with love undying. -Ephesians 6:24

Divine Mercy

I read this on the Laudate Catholic App today, and it's definitely worth reading.  And this is a great song sung by the Benedictines of Mary, Queen of Apostles, which is good for today! * * *  Here are some extracts from a sermon given by Pope John Paul II on the occasion of the canonization of Sister Faustina Kowalska on 30 April 2000:
  Today my joy is truly great in presenting the life and witness of Sr Faustina Kowalska to the whole Church as a gift of God for our time. By divine Providence, the life of this humble daughter of Poland was completely linked with the history of the 20th century, the century we have just left behind. In fact, it was between the First and Second World Wars that Christ entrusted his message of mercy to her. Those who remember, who were witnesses and participants in the events of those years and the horrible sufferings they caused for millions of people, know well how necessary was the message of mercy.
  Jesus told Sr Faustina:  Humanity will not find peace until it turns trustfully to divine mercy. Through the work of the Polish religious, this message has become linked for ever to the 20th century, the last of the second millennium and the bridge to the third. It is not a new message but can be considered a gift of special enlightenment that helps us to relive the Gospel of Easter more intensely, to offer it as a ray of light to the men and women of our time.
  What will the years ahead bring us? What will man s future on earth be like? We are not given to know. However, it is certain that in addition to new progress there will unfortunately be no lack of painful experiences. But the light of divine mercy, which the Lord in a way wished to return to the world through Sr Faustina s charism, will illumine the way for the men and women of the third millennium.
  It is important then that we accept the whole message that comes to us from the word of God on this Second Sunday of Easter, which from now on throughout the Church will be called  Divine Mercy Sunday.  In the various readings, the liturgy seems to indicate the path of mercy which, while re-establishing the relationship of each person with God, also creates new relations of fraternal solidarity among human beings. Christ has taught us that man not only receives and experiences the mercy of God, but is also called to practise mercy towards others:   Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.  He also showed us the many paths of mercy, which not only forgives sins but reaches out to all human needs. Jesus bent over every kind of human poverty, material and spiritual.
  It is not easy to love with a deep love, which lies in the authentic gift of self. This love can only be learned by penetrating the mystery of God s love. Looking at him, being one with his fatherly heart, we are able to look with new eyes at our brothers and sisters, with an attitude of unselfishness and solidarity, of generosity and forgiveness. All this is mercy!
  Sr Faustina Kowalska wrote in her Diary: I feel tremendous pain when I see the sufferings of my neighbours. All my neighbours sufferings reverberate in my own heart; I carry their anguish in my heart in such a way that it even physically destroys me. I would like all their sorrows to fall upon me, in order to relieve my neighbour.  This is the degree of compassion to which love leads, when it takes the love of God as its measure! 
  It is this love which must inspire humanity today, if it is to face the crisis of the meaning of life, the challenges of the most diverse needs and, especially, the duty to defend the dignity of every human person. Thus the message of divine mercy is also implicitly a message about the value of every human being. Each person is precious in God s eyes; Christ gave his life for each one; to everyone the Father gives his Spirit and offers intimacy.
  This consoling message is addressed above all to those who, afflicted by a particularly harsh trial or crushed by the weight of the sins they committed, have lost all confidence in life and are tempted to give in to despair. To them the gentle face of Christ is offered; those rays from his heart touch them and shine upon them, warm them, show them the way and fill them with hope. How many souls have been consoled by the prayer  Jesus, I trust in you,  which Providence intimated through Sr Faustina!
  And you, Faustina, a gift of God to our time, a gift from the land of Poland to the whole Church, obtain for us an awareness of the depth of divine mercy; help us to have a living experience of it and to bear witness to it among our brothers and sisters. May your message of light and hope spread throughout the world, spurring sinners to conversion, calming rivalries and hatred and opening individuals and nations to the practice of brotherhood. Today, fixing our gaze with you on the face of the risen Christ, let us make our own your prayer of trusting abandonment and say with firm hope: Christ Jesus, I trust in you!

* * * 

O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus

 as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You! 

Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is Love and Mercy itself.

Amen.

Making cards for hospitalized kids

I started to make cards for hospitalized kids back in December 2012 when I found out about the organization cards for hospitalized kids. It was started by a teen girl with a chronic condition who has undergone many surgeries. One day, while at the hospital someone gave her a handmade card which made her feel good and so she wanted to start making cards for others too. Now anyone can join in by making cards and sending them in, and they will distribute them all over the USA. See their website for more info! (Unfortunately, religious themes for the cards are not allowed)
It's nice to have this opportunity to do something for others and be involved from home. And although I am not a great artist, it doesn't take a lot of talent to put a smile on someone's face, to brighten up their day and remind them that they are worth something, they can be strong and are not alone. Sometimes the most simple things in life, are the most beautiful and meaningful.
I've made cards for Christmas, Valentine's Day, Easter, Spring, and for any time. For this year, I almost did not start making any because of everything going on with me lately and then wanting any distraction from life that I can get rather than working on any project like this.... but I can't let anything stop me. I'm feeling more better at the moment, and with that time I've been given, I should and can do this. It makes a difference and it's making better use of my time too, instead of being glued to a computer game like I have been recently or doing anything solely for my own pleasure. I've decided I need to give up spending that excessive amount of time on the sims game, for the remainder of Lent at least, and do something more. So much time wasted on things that don't really matter! I hate when that happens. We need to make more efforts to stay focused on God and others, not just ourselves, even in our struggles. Our struggles are never just about us, but about others. Perhaps if you are able, you would like to get involved in doing this too?

There is always a way

O Sacrament Most Holy,

O Sacrament Divine,

all praise and all thanksgiving

be every moment Thine.

There is always a way to grow closer to God and fulfill the desires of our heart, even if it's not exactly how we want it to be.

When I started a 'prayer time' this morning, I began to think that it would be a good blog post if I wrote about it. Some idea of what I could write was coming to me, and maybe I should have welcomed that distraction, because now I am finding it harder to remember what I was thinking about. This week I began to try to set aside some time each day for prayer. Something I often try to do and fail at. Weeks, and months can go by before I try again sometimes, and here I am again. I know I need more perseverance and determination not to give up, and give all that I have even if it's nothing at all. I need to keep my mind and heart, as much as I can, focused on God. I believe a big part of my struggle too is not having the sacraments. I always try to watch the Mass on EWTN, but that just isn't the same as a real Mass, and definitely not the same as if I were able to receive communion. Whenever I have received communion in the past, it's as if nothing happened. But when I am without it, then I can sense a bit of what I am missing and my spiritual life seems to fail more. I am still trying to figure out that situation. (If you are in a similar situation, you can always ask a priest to come visit you for confession and have someone bring you communion.)

At the end of February, I went to church to spend time in adoration for nearly 3 hours. I had plans of going every week. But after that one time, I have not been back yet. Something always seems to happen to get in the way when I make more efforts to get to church. This time I was in severe pain for a week and in the hospital for a day, and then the next week I struggled with sleeping and had other problems, the next week I've been sick with a cold and struggling more with my daily issues. I am going to keep going back to adoration, but I have to realize if I can't go every week, it's okay. I will not give it up completely though (the "easy" thing to do would be to forget it again), I just need to go when I am able. It is disappointing though, when I so much would rather be there every week when Eucharistic adoration is available, for at least a few hours at a time!

A few times in the past, I've visited savior.org for adoration. Today I thought, why not do that again.

When I first heard about this years ago, I thought it wasn't such a good thing, but I see it differently now. It really is a wonderful opportunity for someone to spend time in adoration when they are not able to get to a church. It might be on a screen, but He is still completely there, and with you and me, no matter where we are, and being able to at least see the blessed sacrament, who is Jesus truly present - body, blood, soul, and divinity - is better than nothing. God also knows our hearts and our desires if that is what we really wish to be doing, we can still spend time with Him at home.

I got out my phone and went to savior.org, and had the blessed sacrament right there, in my room. if you don't have a cellphone, tablet or any other thing like it, and aren't able to use the computer, you can at least remember that He is always with us anyways, and think about and imagine the closest church to where you are. We really aren't that far away from Him.

If you want to do something, but you seem to be incapable of doing it, don't let that stop you. There's always a way.

I am the living bread which came down from heaven; if any one eats of this bread, he will live for ever; and the bread which I shall give for the life of the world is my flesh. -John 6:51

One must not think that a person who is suffering is not praying. He is offering up his sufferings to God, and many a time he is praying much more truly than one who goes away by himself and meditates his head off, and, if he has squeezed out a few tears, thinks that is prayer. -St. Teresa of Avila

When you look at the crucifix, you understand how much Jesus loved you. When you look at the Sacred Host you understand how much Jesus loves you now. -Mother Teresa of Calcutta

O Jesus! on this day, you have fulfilled all my desires. From now on, near the Eucharist, I shall be able To sacrifice myself in silence, to wait for Heaven in peace. Keeping myself open to the rays of the Divine Host, In this furnace of love, I shall be consumed, And like a seraphim, Lord, I shall love You. -St. Therese of Lisieux

A thousand years of enjoying human glory is not worth even an hour spent sweetly communing with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. -St. Padre Pio

The time you spend with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament is the best time that you will spend on earth. Each moment that you spend with Jesus will deepen your union with Him and make your soul everlastingly more glorious and beautiful in heaven, and will help bring about an everlasting peace on earth. -Mother Teresa of Calcutta